Sunday, September 12, 2010

Get My Soon To Be Ex Spouse Back and Stop Divorce

If you made the decision to pull the plug on your marriage and are now having second thoughts, all is not lost. If you are looking for ways on how to restore the marriage and stop your divorce and you are asking yourself, "how do I restore my marriage and stop my divorce?" you will first need to forget your pride and go to your spouse and admit how wrong you were and how you acted rashly.

When you meet with your soon to be ex, explain that you regret that you acted so hastily without considering that there may be a chance that the marriage could be salvaged. Be sincere and honest when you explain that despite your actions, you do not want to be divorced from your spouse and may have simply spoken out of anger that your spouse took seriously.

This step is not easy but this is your marriage we are talking about so you need to be willing to do whatever it takes to save it and stop the divorce if that is your wish. This step may also be difficult beyond simply hurting your pride. Your spouse may have started getting used to the idea of a divorce and may have even started to accept it and thought that it is best to divorce.

Even though you may have admitted you were wrong in filing for divorce or in the beginning stages of starting divorce proceedings, you need to find out what your spouse thinks of the idea of divorce. Some marriages but not all can be saved by simply admitting how wrong you were and what a mistake you made.

If on the other hand this does not work and you are wondering desperately "how can I restore my marriage and stop my divorce?", there is a lot of work in store for you. To start of with if your spouse gives you the time of day, is to explain why you think that the marriage should be saved and why you no longer want a divorce. Your reasons need to be compelling and hopefully you put a lot of thought into them.

It is crucial that you remain calm and be mature about this. Divorce and the idea of divorce, even separation, is very emotional and painful and tempers a likely to rise. It may not be easy to control your emotions and you may need several tries after calming down. It is easy to start yelling or getting hysterical which only hurts the goal of restoring the marriage and stopping divorce.

When you point fingers or play the blame game, scream or accuse your spouse, you will only end up pushing your husband or wife away. All anger, bitterness and resentment needs to be let go. Learn how to forgive and ask for forgiveness for the mistakes that you made or that your husband or wife made so that you can move forward and are able to restore the marriage and stop the divorce proceedings.

Be willing to see your role in the break down of the relationship and not point fingers. One of the first things that you both need to decide on is that things have to change and you cannot simply go back to the way things were otherwise you would not be thinking about getting a divorce.

You both have to be willing to work on your issues in the marriage. Marriage counseling may be a step that you both can consider. For the marriage to be restored and work, it takes two and both need to be on the same page.
These are a few of the steps outlined in the bestselling "The Magic of Making Up" that you can check out below for additional help and tips to help you answer the question "How do I get my soon to be ex spouse back and stop divorce?"

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Get My Ex Back and Restore Trust

In a moment of weakness, you forgot what you had in your life and gave into temptation and cheated on your wife, husband, girlfriend or boyfriend. This has caused the breakup of your relationship because of a lack of trust and faith in you as a partner. You and your ex are devastated and you are looking for tips and resources on how to get your ex boyfriend back or ex-girlfriend or wife or husband back after an affair or cheating. If you are looking for tips to answer the question "How do I get my ex back and restore trust?", read on.

A lot of us believe that a relationship automatically ends after an affair or cheating occurs. While this may be true in some circumstances, it shouldn't have to apply to all relationships where cheating is involved. To answer the question "how to get my ex back and restore trust?", BOTH parties have to be willing to work on the relationship, in order for forgiveness, healing and the restoration of trust to occur and for you to get your ex back. It will take some time to restore a relationship were cheating is involved and get your ex back.

In order to restore trust in a relationship were one has broken the commitment to the other, an adjustment in actions and in attitudes is necessary. By changing attitudes and actions, it becomes possible to save your relationship after cheating. Changing attitudes and actions begins the process of slowly but surely increasing the level of trust in the relationship.

Engaging in an affair or cheating usually starts with your attitude about cheating which allowed you to engage and carry on with the affair to the exclusion of thinking about how damaging your cheating would be to your partner and your relationship.


How to Get My Ex Back and Restore Trust

The first step to answering "how to get my ex back and restore trust?" requires that you determine why your relationship and your partner meant so little to you when you decided to cheat on him or her. What is wrong in the relationship from your standpoint that caused you to cheat? Once you find the root cause, you can then determine whether there is a remedy or not for the broken relationship.

Find out what you were looking for that you thought your partner could not provide. Was there a lack of intimacy or bedroom problems? Did both or one of you become so busy that you neglected spending time with each other in order to enrich the relationship? A relationship can not be neglected in order for it to thrive. Did your partner let themselves go?

If your relationship was perfect, you would not have strayed. If you strayed in a perfect relationship then you have commitment issues and you will never be satisfied with anyone and you need to work on yourself before you get into any other relationship because you will face the same commitment issues over and over again. Self analysis may be important to do in order to fix a relationship or decide to move on from each other.

Slowing restoring a relationship usually means attempting to fix the relationship's underlying problems. Ignoring the problems will only lead to more cheating in the future by one or both of you until you both develop feelings of bitterness or resentment toward the other which is not conducive to a healthy relationship. Relationship counseling may be a step to consider if both of you decide that there is much to salvage in the relationship and you are both willing to work on restoring trust.

A very important step to getting your ex back after cheating and answer the question "how to get my ex back and restore trust" is to understand that your actions are very important in restoring trust. It may be annoying sometimes, but be where you say you are going to be, be with whom you said you were going to be with, etc. The key to get back your ex is to do the right things and not only talk a good game. Follow through with what you say EVERY TIME.

An important step is to ensure that you start to make small promises and most importantly, keep them. In order to build trust, become a trustworthy person to your partner. It may be as simple as promising to take the trash out or mow the lawn. Be consistent in going through with your promises. Your partner will be waiting for you to mess up because they have been told that they will never be able to trust you again.

By showing your trustworthiness though consistent action, trust will slowly be restored to the relationship and you will be on your way to getting your ex back. The relationship can even become richer than it was once before because you both are being considerate to one another. You more so than your partner whom you betrayed. Once you can be trusted in small things, you can then be trusted in larger areas.

Your girlfriend or wife, boyfriend or husband will need constant reassurance for a while that they made the right decision in giving you another chance especially if they are hearing from others what a mistake they are making in giving you another chance. Get used to apologizing often over time.

It will not be easy for him or her to forgive you so you need to be patient and not be frustrated. However, if after a long period of time, they can't seem to move past the betrayal, you may need to evaluate whether the relationship has been irrevocably broken and for both of you to move on. You do not need to feel guilty for the rest of your life.

You have to be able to put in the work to restore trust in the relationship. If you are not willing to do this work and be patient and understanding with your partner, let him or her move on with their life. Half hearted attempts at getting your ex back after cheating are not worth it in the long run for either of you.

The breaking of trust provides a unique opportunity to change both your attitudes and you actions towards yourself and others. Building a stronger and richer relationship after cheating and the break down of trust has occurred is possible but there are steps that need to occur in order for you to answer the question "how to get my ex back and restore trust?"

These are a few of the steps outlined in the bestselling "The Magic of Making Up" that you can check out below for additional help and tips to help you answer the question "How do I get my ex back and restore trust?".